Hashvertisement #1236 – The Cubs Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
A few weeks ago a very surprised Shoeless Ho found out that he is in fact the reigning king on the haring throne, having set more trails than any other currently active hasher. However, his place at the sun is under imminent threat since he is only the tiny fraction of a run or so ahead of Hunkaspunk, Constipation and 00. Rumor goes now that Shoeless Ho is determined to do whatever necessary to stay on top, even if this means that he has to hare again.
‘This is of course Complete and Utter Bull Shit, or CUBS, as we call it in the haring business,’ he said in an emotional speech during last night’s hash press conference at the Gold Mango Bar. ‘I am not doing this because I want to stay ahead of the three above mentioned guys or for any other personal gain. I do this simply because I love everyone on the hash and I want to bring y’all joy and happiness by setting the Best Hash Ever. That’s also the reason why I didn’t ask Hunka, Consti or 00 to hare with me, but Cum Cannon. He is a gifted hare and so new to the hash that he hasn’t even gotten his haring pants yet.’
Yeah, the good old haring pants. Some call them wearable aphrodisiacs, others claim that they are magical since you get laid every time you’re in them. However, you can only get a pair after you’ve hared six times on the Guangzhou Hash. After Saturday, Cum Cannon will be only four more runs away from his own pants.
‘I have no choice but to hare more often,’ he enlightened the crowd about his near-future endeavors. ‘My wife has heard all these incredible stories about the mojo of the haring pants, so before she left she made me promise that I’ll have my own by the time she is returning from Syria in a few months, and I intend to keep my promise.’
Interestingly enough, but not commonly known, is the fact that not all haring pants store the same amount of mojo. Each time you hare your future pants add a bit more of it to themselves, the exact amount being determined by the quality of the trail you’ve set. The better the run is the more mojo is accumulated in your pants. So, for the wife’s sake, the mismanagement team instantly appealed to Cum Cannon, to better cum up with some kick-ass trails. Needless to say that he is going to do just that.
When: Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Shoeless Ho & Cum Cannon
What: ’A bloated, swollen sensation’ - New York Times
On On,
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From the hashvertisement emailed by the mismanagement on 2013-10-10.