Hashvertisement 1251 - The Alphabetical Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Every Monday morning Thumbelprints instructs her staff not to disturb her and then barricades herself inside her office to tend to the worldly affairs of the Guangzhou Hash such as finance and administration. This alone already makes her one of our most outstanding hashers, but to even top it she also adds up all the data she gathers over the course of time to exhilarate us with her ever so educational statistics.
The most important lesson we can learn from her findings is that the mismanagement was really very generous in 2013. We heavily subsidized the weekend hashes and the Annual Hash Awards while keeping the run fee at a mere 50 RMB, solid as a rock for over a decade already. It therefore shouldn’t have cum as a surprise that we have made an overall loss last year and, actually, it didn’t. In fact, this was what we had intended to do all along.
But the report unveiled some rather disturbing realities, too, for instance that we got 45 and a half hashers on any given Saturday in 2013, which is more than in previous years, but still leaves one, or better, me wondering how that poor half-fellow has made it to the B-point over and over again.
However, most worrisome and a potential threat to the very existence of our distinguished group is the continuously terrifying decline of capable hares. The total number has dropped from 42 individual hares in 2011 and 32 in 2012 to only 25 in 2013. Of these 25 only 10 have hared more than 3 times and are therefore considered somewhat regular hares. These 10 include Globetwatter, Sir Cum and Furry Thing who have left Guangzhou, which brings us down to 7. Out of these 7 one is currently injured, one got the flu, one is drowning in seasonal work, another one just started a new job that keeps him busy, one rather prefers to go to the B-point by bus to ‘organize the beer stop’ these days, one is entertaining his dear in-laws and another one is simply out of ideas because he has hared 8 times during the past 2 months. This leaves us with no hare, and as such with no choice but to put drastic measures in place.
‘Do not ask what your Hash can do for you; ask what you can do for your Hash’, demanded an understandably extremely agitated harerazor from the assembled hashers during last night’s hash press conference. But as usual these were merely words in the wind.
‘Well’, Constipation continued in a resolute voice, ‘then I will decide who is going to hare on Saturday, and, for that matter, any time in the future when we have no volunteering hare. I will proceed to do so in an alphabetical order. Whose hash name starts with an A?’
And this is how Angry Dragon became a hare.
When: Saturday, January 18, 2014 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
On On,
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I said it before and I’ll say it again: It is our great trails that make our hash one of the bestest in Greater China. Therefore, we need more hares. So go out and scout trails. Nothing gets you faster over a hangover than a great 10k or 12k hike in the beautiful mountains around Guangzhou on a Sunday morning.
From the hashvertisement emailed by the mismanagement on 2014-01-16.